Posts
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The first hold
I remember fantasizing about the first moment I would hold my baby. I remember thinking there would be this electrical current of amazement and imagining the world would stop. I thought there would be this magical moment of joy and happiness that I wouldn’t be able to contain my excitement. The truth of the matter is, the first time I held my baby, I felt fear and overwhelmed. Of course I had the “ah ha” moment of this is my baby and I love him to no end, but my first hold was stressful! My first hold with Corbin was interrupted by beeping heart monitors and working around CPAP tubes…
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Rounds
9am…. a time that I began to dread, yet I was always on time for. The time for rounds. The time for nurses and doctors to go over all the treatment plans for each and every baby in the NICU. Being there on time but waiting our turn felt like a personal hell. Always wondering if today would come with good news or bad news. In early weeks of our stay, it was filled with long medical terms and numbers that at the time made no sense to me. I was constantly confused on what they were talking about yet no questions would come to mind. They would go over…
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Picking a Name
At this point in our journey, our little baby is going on 48 hours without a name. Without knowing the gender beforehand, (and also being 10 weeks early) my husband and I weren’t even close to picking one. By this time, we were finally down to two names so we decided we had to make a decision. It didn’t help that every time we entered the NICU, one of the nurses asked us if we had a name yet…. talk about pressure! I was already up all night thinking about it. That and I was up all night pumping and being the nurses pin cushion. But it was time to…
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Day 1 in the NICU
As I lay there in my hospital bed, in the recover room, my mind is still trying to process what the (bleep) just happened. I had to be on the mag drip for 24 hours so I couldn’t go see my precious little boy. Then it occurred to me, HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A NAME! I think I was still trying to tell my mind that he was even in this world. Looking down at my belly or not feeling him kick was so surreal. Nurses were flooding the room, coming in and out to check my blood pressure and take more blood samples. It was overwhelming to the point…
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Delivery Day
It was the day after Easter when something felt completely off. Of course we did the COVID style Easter where food was just dropped off at our doorstep, so I know it didn’t have anything to do with being sick. With little to no contact with the outside world, how could I get sick? I have been complaining to my husband for a couple days now about a pain in my stomach. It felt too high to be baby related so I just assumed it was indigestion. That was a pregnancy symptom after all. It always went away so I didn’t think too much of it. The day progressed and…
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Pregnancy during COVID-19
At the beginning of 2020, I was happy go lucky, growing my little babe and going to work. At the time I was an orthodontic assistant and loving my job. It kept me busy and on my toes and I enjoyed the company of everyone I worked with. When COVID-19 started to become a serious threat, the only thing I could think about was the safety of my baby. There was speculation whether or not pregnant women were more susceptible to getting the virus which put me on edge. What if I got it? What if my baby got it? Could we both end up dying from it? So many…
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The Rainbow
After months of trying fallowing our two miscarriages, we finally got those two pink lines. This time felt different. It didn’t come with all the fear and anxiety. This time, it felt right. I called the doctor right away to schedule an appointment to confirm that I wasn’t seeing things. Thank goodness I got the confirmation I was looking for! We were finally going to have our rainbow baby! The night I told my husband, we were meeting some friends for dinner. Before walking into the restaurant, I handed my husband a gift for him to open. Inside was the pregnancy test and a little onesie that read “Mommy &…
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Our Beginning…
Since the day I married my perfect man, I dreamed of our perfect family. The plan was to get pregnant a year after we said “I do” and that was that. But as all of you know, life does not always work with your “perfect” plans. Around that time, I was switching careers and taking a leap of faith. Unfortunately, that left me unemployed and irritated. After making the decision to go back to school and place myself in debt, my husband got laid off… a day before our delayed honeymoon. Perfect… but not the perfect I had in mind. This shift in our lives made way for better opportunities…
